


confiteor mes amor

by daryldixonaf



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: (no wonder they don't get along i can only imagine it's a constant bitch-off), F/F, but so is sarah, none of them are clones, yet rachel is still a bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-28 19:36:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7654060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daryldixonaf/pseuds/daryldixonaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a study in confessions between Rachel & Sarah</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. confessions of power

**Author's Note:**

  * For [propunk trashcans like me](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=propunk+trashcans+like+me).



> the timeline will skip around a bit just fyi (also the "confessions" are bolded)
> 
> p.s. i'm planning on this having multiple chapters, let's hope i don't get struck by a meteor or something in the meantime

### Power

Rachel loved power from the ripe age of nine. Being raised by two successful career-oriented parents, the concept was not foreign.

It wasn't that Rachel loved power, per se, it was the _feeling_ of power that she adored. Just knowing that she had the upper hand in every situation made her feel impossibly happy, and Rachel Duncan was usually not very easy to please. So when the girl with a dark lion's mane of hair comes clambering up towards _Rachel's_ tower at the playground, she's immediately irritated.

Rachel peers down at the girl from over the bars and attempts her meanest sneer. "You can't come up any farther," she says, hoping to herself that the girl wouldn't continue climbing.

"Why not?" she asks, stopping 2 bars below where Rachel stood. _Much too close..._

"Because I said so," Rachel replies. "And I own this tower so I know the rules." The girl simply smirks and pulls herself up onto the platform, stepping right up to Rachel. Rachel felt herself growing angrier by the second, wanting nothing more than to punch that stupid grin off her stupid, stupid face.

"You can't own _part_ of the park, dummy. And my mum said I could play here cuz it's public property," she says, gazing straight into Rachel's eyes as if she wasn't even intimidated. _Not good. Not good at all._

" **I'm better than you,** " Rachel blurts, stepping forward so that their shoes were touching. "My father is the principal of the elementary school and my mother's a famous scientist and **I own what I want."**

Before the girl can reply, a boy's voice shouts up from the ground. "Oi, Sarah! S says it's time for lunch, c'mon!" Sarah gives Rachel one last glare before descending back down the ladder and running off with the boy. 

Rachel lets out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding and rolls her eyes as far as they can go. _Sarah, Sarah, Sarah._ The name sounded strange on her tongue but she continued muttering it all the way home, more than excited to tattle on the brat.

Unfortunately, her father couldn't sue Sarah for "invading her privacy bubble" and it just so happened that Sarah would be in Rachel's fourth-grade class. _Fantastic..._

__________

Sarah hated Rachel with every ounce of her being. Their rivalry started the day she'd moved from London to Toronto and it wore her the fuck out. However, she'd be damned if their dumb little facade lasted into her senior year of high school. She just needed to pass her bloody classes and graduate. And thanks to Felix, she had the perfect idea of how to ease the tensions between Rachel and herself.

"Are you positive she works at the mall, Sarah?" Cosima asks, propping her head up between her hands. "Delphine has a very tight schedule and if this _plan_ turns out to be faulty, I'm blaming you."

"I'm sure that's not the only thing about her that's tight..." Sarah teases, earning a stifled snort from Felix. "Besides, even if she doesn't work there we can all still hang out."

"I saw her working at Sephora! I told you this, Cosima!" Alison yells from the bathroom.

"Dude, I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying you might've been confused," Cosima responds halfheartedly, typing out a text Sarah guesses is to Delphine.

"Tell her to get her derrière over here," Felix says, "Or we'll have to key her pretty little convertible." 

Cosima shoots him a threatening glare and shakes her head. "We're not keying my girlfriend's car and that's final."

Alison comes out of the bathroom with the brightest lipstick Sarah's ever seen and reeks of perfume. "Are we ready? Cosima? Is Delphine done making croissants or whatever she does when you two aren't-" Alison is cut off by her phone blaring some cheesy broadway tune. She smiles widely and immediately answers, pressing the speakerphone button.

"Hello Beth," Alison greets, obviously making an effort to swallow her excitement. Sarah makes a face at Felix and he reciprocates with an equally mocking one until Alison flips them both off. 

"Hey Ali!" Beth says. "And Sarah and Cosima and Felix. Is Helena there too?"

Alison looks up at Sarah questioningly and Sarah nods, pointing downstairs. "Um, yes she is. Is that why you're calling?"

"No, dipshit! I'm _calling_ because I thought you guys needed a ride. We are going to the mall, right?"

_Shit, Beth had a point. There's no way they'd all fit into Delphine's petite ass car._ "No, yeah, we definitely do need another car," Sarah says, ticking off people with her fingers. "Alison and Felix can ride with you and I'll babysit Helena with Cos and Delphine." 

"Sounds like a plan. Oh and Felix? Don't even think about bringing spray paint, you're riding with a law-abiding citizen and there's no way in hell I'm letting you fuck up my record." Beth adds, with a twinge of fondness under her "stone cold" exterior. 

__________

By the time both groups have arrived at the mall, the sun is almost setting and it's half past 6. Sarah doesn't mind, of course, she just wants to get this whole Rachel-shit sorted out before school starts back up.

"D'accord, what is it that you needed us to come for then, Sarah?" Delphine prompts, her hand tightly intertwined with Cosima's. _It's a wonder they still have any circulation in their body when they're constantly clinging to one another like velcro..._

"I dunno, support?" Sarah says, walking towards the mall's Sephora. "Honestly, I just wanted people to come with. That and maybe we can all see a movie or some shit after." 

"With Rachel?" Felix genuinely asks, his brow furrowed. 

Sarah actually laughs at that. "Sarah does not see films with pigs, brother sestra," Helena answers in a sing-song voice, skipping along.

"Alright meat-head, she's my arch nemesis, not yours," Sarah stops at the revolving door and shoos away the remaining few. "You guys go find Alison and Beth and make sure they're not doing anything _unholy_."

"At the mall?" Cosima asks sarcastically.

"I'm sure they're not against it!" Sarah says as they begin to walk away. She takes a deep breath and enters the pristine, powdery-smelling store. Once she's made it half-way through the first aisle, she realizes she hasn't thought of what to say at all. Felix's only idea was to find her at her job and settle something out. _FUCK. Fuck, Fuck, Bloody Fuck, Shit._

Just as she's backing up, she hears the clicking of heels approach behind her. _Fuck._ "Sarah," Rachel coldly addresses. 

Sarah slowly turns and is met with Rachel's icy stare, bearing straight into her. "Rachel," she nearly stammers. "I just came here to uh- buy new eyeliner."

"That's a shocker. I'd assume since you wear the same makeup for days on end it would last you longer," Rachel says, not missing a beat. "Oh, but not that it doesn't fit you. The goth homeless-grifter look's always suited you."

Sarah scowls and steps closer, resisting her temptations to knock the posh bitch on her ass. "Watch it, you bloody tosser."

Rachel smiles and chokes back a laugh. "Watch what? You're hardly over five feet, what are you going to do?" 

"Haha, that's funny," Sarah retorts. "The only reason you're any taller than me is because you wear six-inch heels everywhere." 

"At least I _can_ walk in them. It'd be a miracle if someone as uncoordinated as yourself could even manage platforms."

Sarah reaches towards Rachel to grab the ornate lanyard around her neck, tugging her forward. They're a mere few inches apart, enough for Sarah to smell Rachel's shampoo and she can't decide whether she hates it or loves it. "Stay the _fuck_ away from me, you twat," she growls. 

Rachel roughly pulls herself backwards, knocking several items off the shelf. "Deal. Now get out."

" **You can't tell me what to do,** " Sarah says, straightening herself out. " _ **You don't own me.**_ "

"The store's closing, you imbecile. So get out before security takes you out."

Sarah glances around them, realizing they're the only two left in the store. She gives Rachel a once-over before brushing past her to the door. She refuses to look back until she's far enough out of eyeshot and sighs heavily. _Well that went the exact opposite way it should've._

__________

She's greeted with a squeal from Helena, who smothers Sarah in her sea of blonde curls. She gives Helena a quick pat on the back before prying her arms away. "How did evil one react? Is she friend?"

"No, no she is most definitely not," Sarah responds absentmindedly.

"Sorry, Sarah. She really is a bitch, though, and maybe being friends with her sucks," Beth says, clearly trying to be sympathetic. Sarah gives her a weak smile in return. 

"Yeah, I guess. You guys wanna see a movie now?" Sarah asks, wrapping her arm around Felix's shoulder.

"As long as it has cute boys in it," Felix mutters. "You people have a knack for leaving my interests out of the picture." 

"Fat chance," Cosima coughs and playfully nudges Delphine.

They all agree to see a movie with a fair proportion of "cute boys" just for Felix and as much as Sarah tries, she can't stop thinking of Rachel. _You hate her. You hate her, don't be stupid. But she smells so good and- No. No. This is RACHEL you're thinking about._

She finally comes up with a compromise that allows her to believe that _despite_ how intriguing Rachel is, she's just as awful. Yes, much too awful to like.


	2. confessions of hatred (or lack thereof)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more confessions and sarah is a confirmed stalker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another time skip (i'm soRRY) 
> 
> p.s. the "confessions" are bolded yet again

### Hatred

Rachel had perfect vision. The best in her family, in fact. So this did not explain why she swore she could see _the_ Sarah Manning sitting on a bench across from her. _At the damn University of Toronto, of all places._

She had hoped, more than anything, that Sarah would drop out. That she would have to attend community college, at least. But unless her eyes were deceiving her, _which they wouldn't_ , Sarah "Menace" Manning was there at Rachel's dream university.

She stares straight ahead, observing the back of Sarah's head, begging the gods to smite her this instant. Unfortunately, no such thing happens. Sarah remains sitting and laughing next to what she assumes is Sarah's twin. _Messy hair must run in the family._

Before Rachel can gather her belongings, the alarm on her phone goes off that signals her next class. She jumps up and shoves her books into her bag, taking off across the courtyard.

As she's weaving through people in the corridor, a cheerful voice next to her nearly sends her hurling sideways. "You must be Rachel." Rachel steals a glance towards them, not recognizing who it is.

"Yes, and you are?" she asks in a flat tone.

"I'm Delphine. Une amie de Sarah," Delphine says, smiling in a way that makes Rachel want to smash her head into a brick.

"That's _fantastic_ , did she bribe you into saying that?" Rachel bites back and swerves into the clearing with the elevators.

Delphine quickly follows after her and leans against the wall. "Erm...non, she didn't," she murmurs, chewing her lip. "Why do you hate Sarah so much? She's really not a bad person, je promets!"

"I'll believe that when I see it. Don't you have somewhere to be?"

Delphine's face sinks and Rachel _almost_ feels bad. _Almost._ "I guess I'll be leaving, then," Delphine sighs, briskly walking away.

Rachel closes her eyes and inhales sharply as she enters the elevator. _Despicable Sarah and her despicable, despicable friends..._

__________

Just as Sarah's getting up to escort Helena to lunch, Delphine almost tackles her back down. "What in the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!" Sarah manages to yelp.

"S'arrêter! Elle est ici!"

"Delphine, I'm not Cosima. English, please."

"Sur bien, sorry. Rachel's here. I just talked to her," Delphine says, practically whispering. "Why is she always so angry?"

"Jesus, who knows? But it's fine, I'll handle her." Sarah promises, not very assuringly. "I gotta find something for Helena to eat before she decides to eat a person, you wanna come?"

"Tempting offer, but I have class. Maybe next time," Delphine replies, walking down the hill. 

Sarah grins at Delphine's back, relief swelling inside her that she had come to the same university. Of course, she had Helena, which was fantastic, but something about being at a school without Cosima, Beth, and Alison for the first time made her ache with loneliness. 

Cosima was attending the University of Minnesota, Beth was going through police training at the Canadian Law Enforcement College, and Alison was at York University. They all visited very frequently but it just didn't feel the same.

She wills herself to snap out of it and reaches for Helena's hand before a book sat on a vacant bench catches her eye. "Oi, meat-head, gimme a sec, yeah?"

Helena nods and continues to whistle her previous off-beat tune as Sarah jogs towards the abandoned- business publication? _That's strange, you'd think business students would be more careful._

She picks up the book and opens the cover, searching for a name or any sort of identification. She nearly drops it once she reads, "Rachel Duncan- South Tower, Flat 109"

 _Fucking figures, of course she'd be the one to find Rachel bloody Duncan's textbook..._ "Alright Helena, let's get some food," Sarah says, trying to conceal the undertones of nervousness. 

__________

Rachel spent most of her afternoon mentally slapping herself. _How could someone as observant as herself forget a marketing textbook? For a class THAT day?_

She shakes her head for what seems to be the thousandth time and makes her way towards the bench she'd sat at earlier. It almost doesn't surprise her that it isn't there. _Because after all the bad luck she'd dealt with thus far, why would something good happen?_ She lets out a sigh angry enough to wilt flowers and decides to study in the library until dinner.

She finds a fairly uncrowded corner of the media center and sinks into the pleather cushions, closing her eyes. She'd have to buy a new textbook, that was obvious. But she'd refuse to borrow money from her parents, as wealthy as they are. _She didn't want to depend on anyone but herself._

Rachel blinks open her eyes to take out her calculus work, only to find Sarah Manning staring at her from behind a bookcase. The second Sarah realizes Rachel sees her, she darts back out of the library, leaving Rachel to gape in her wake.

On the (rapid) journey back to her flat, Rachel spots Sarah _again_ , behind a tree. _Is she planning a murder? Is she a stalker now?_

Concerning thoughts swim through her head as she throws herself into her apartment and locks the door behind her. _This is ridiculous, she's not scared of Sarah. It's just Sarah, for God's sake._

Once she lets herself calm down, she resolves to make her favorite dinner of cajun seafood pasta.

__________

Sarah shifts her weight from foot to foot outside Rachel's front door, contemplating whether to leave the book there or knock. She raises her fist to the door and taps once before panicking and leaping back down the stairs.

The door swings open and Rachel's holding a giant butcher knife bigger than Sarah's head. "What are you doing here this late?" Rachel hisses. "What are you doing here at all?!"

"What are you trying to do, murder me? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Sarah cries, taking another step backward.

"How do you know where I live, you tramp?"

"Don't you dare call me a tramp," Sarah growls. "God, I was trying to do a fucking nice thing and here you are being a bitch! No wonder everyone hates you! No wonder **I hate you!** " She immediately regrets telling the person with a knife that she hates her, but it seemed necessary.

"For someone claiming to hate me, you sure follow me around quite a damn bit," Rachel says, the violence in her voice replaced with confusion.

"That's _because_ I was _trying_ to give you back your stupid book and I had to find your stupid house and risk my stupid life just to do it!" Sarah tries to yell but only succeeds in whispering. She removes the book from her bag and holds it out with a shaky hand.

Rachel just stares at the hand outstretched to her, not making any attempts to move. "Please just- just take it," Sarah murmurs, cautiously moving closer. Rachel gently reaches for it and her fingers graze the tops of Sarah's for a split second. The change in atmosphere is suddenly apparent and settles over both of them in silence.

"I uh- would you like to come in for a minute?" Rachel asks, opening the door a bit wider.

Sarah nods and swears she can make out a ghost of a smile on Rachel's face.

__________

" **I don't actually hate you, Rachel,** " Sarah says quietly. "I just wanted you to know that."

"Of course," Rachel responds, taking out glasses. "Red or white?" 

"Red's fine."

Rachel pours their wine and drifts over to Sarah, humming along to the music softly wafting out of the kitchen radio. "I didn't take you for an Elvis girl," Sarah notes with a smile. _Rachel liked her smile. Not her cocky smile or her snarky smile, but her real, genuine, happy smile that made her eyes twinkle. It's beautiful._

Their fingers touch again, as Sarah accepts her glass, but this time feels less accidental. "You didn't take me for anything short of a bitch," Rachel says, with less sarcasm than she had intended.

"Hey, that's not fair," Sarah mutters. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made both of our lives a living hell and I'm sorry I couldn't apologize sooner and I'm sorry I didn't-" She's cut off by Rachel's finger pressed against her mouth.

"Shh. It was both of our faults," Rachel breathes, sitting dangerously close to Sarah.

"Yeah," Sarah agrees. She carefully sets the wine on a table by the couch and moves to face Rachel. "Do you hate me?"

"No," Rachel says. " **I don't think I ever _really_ hated you. I was more... intimidated by you.** "

A grin breaks out on Sarah's face and she slowly extends her hand to tuck a piece of hair behind Rachel's ear. "Sorry... It was bugging me."

Rachel can't help but smile back and notices a small stain of wine above Sarah's lip. She leans forward until she can feel Sarah's breath and tentatively closes the distance between their lips. She's careful to break away quickly, studying Sarah's face.

"Sorry, the wine on your lip was bothering me."

Sarah takes no time at all to pull Rachel back forward, connecting their lips again, less gentle than before. Sarah's lips are chapped and taste of alcohol and Rachel's are smooth and full but they fit together so nicely. And for the first time in a long time, _everything feels so right._ Rachel almost considers it to be _perfect._

Only this time, she doesn't feel so naive for thinking it. 

**Author's Note:**

> like i said, i'll keep updating this pretty regularly buuut any kudos/comments you'd like to leave would be greatly appreciated <3


End file.
